I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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