she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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