Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
