alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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