I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
