Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
