ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
