jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize