3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
