In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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