I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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