i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
