Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
