I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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