don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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