Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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