suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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