Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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