So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
