end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
