fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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