you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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