I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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