You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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