I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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