he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
