Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
