She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
