Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need to get me chipped asap
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