Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
