The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize