Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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