where does the pee come out of this thing
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
