dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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