Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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