Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
