that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You can't special order awesome
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
