y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
