there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
