when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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