One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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