Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize