The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
