Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
