Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize