Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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