Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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