someone owes me an orgasm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
