I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need a beard to bite.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
