She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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