So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
