so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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