Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
