i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
