i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize