i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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