You're so nebulous sometimes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize