I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
where are my eyebrows?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
