I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
