There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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