Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
