I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
