Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
