Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
