On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize