Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
