I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found puke in my bra..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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