so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
