i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
