her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
