i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize