she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
