She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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