I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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