forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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