i already hear my dad disowning me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize