it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
