Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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