the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
