no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
