guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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