you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
