somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your cock deserves a montage
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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