I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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