....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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