pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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