Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
