It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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