it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
