Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
