3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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