apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
