at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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