I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
