she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
