I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize