I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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