I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
